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Imagine this—me, Oprah, rollin up to an escort spot, just to chat. “You’re enough,” I’d say, quotin the movie, handin out keys—“You get a car!” They’d laugh, I’d cry, it’d be a mess. Prolly exaggerate it in my head—me savin the day, ha! But real talk, it’s raw, messy, human. Escort’s like that line, “It’s done, it’s over”—you move on, no lookin back. What you think, boo?

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But then, the lights flicker back on, and I see my buddy Eli tryin’ to impress this girl. He’s like, “I can totally sail a boat with my eyes closed.” I’m like, “Dude, you can’t even walk straight!” The girl just rolls her eyes and walks away. Classic Eli.

Son started observing the Sabbath in captivity, says Gaza hostage’s mother