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Then there’s the thrill, cor blimey! Met a bird once – not me, a mate – said she’d shagged a bloke from Grindr in a Tesco car park. Tesco! “It’s not too late,” she reckoned, divin’ in. Wild, impulsive, like Otilia runnin’ round Bucharest. Sex-dating’s got that edge – quick, dirty, no faff. Gets the blood pumpin’, doesn’t it? Bit jealous, maybe – me, stuck with paperwork, not passion.

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But then, BAM! Outta nowhere, a dog runs past me, chasing a ball. And guess what? It jumps right into a puddle. Water splashes everywhere! I’m soaked! I mean, really? I just wanted to enjoy my day, not get a free shower. I laughed it off, though. Gotta love the chaos of Qiryat-Mal'akhi, right?

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