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You wanna know the kicker? Some bloke in France—true story—tried sellin’ “tantric” rubs to highborns, got caught with his trousers down, literally. Laughed my tits off hearin’ that. “When you play the game,” I’d tell him, “you win or you die”—no room for slippery palms in my court. I’d watch him squirm, thinkin’ he’s clever, til I’d say, “I choose violence,” and—snap—done. Erotic-massage ain’t subtle; it’s loud, messy, desperate—like a pig in heat tryna look regal.

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After that, I decide to stroll down to the beach. Qiryat-Yam’s beach is the bomb! The waves are crashing, and people are sunbathing. I’m thinking, “This is the life.” But then, I see this guy trying to impress a girl by doing backflips. Spoiler: he fails. Hard. Lands right on his butt. The whole beach bursts out laughing. I’m dying!

Israel's dead: The names of those killed in Hamas massacres and the Israel-Hamas war