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So, I’m in dis grimy alley, yeah? Smells like old cabbage an’ regret. Dis chick pops up—red heels, fishnets, real classy, ya? I’m like, “Lightbulb! Dere she is!” She’s givin’ me da eye, an’ I’m all, “Vhat’s yer price, eh?” She says somethin’ wild—50 bucks fer 20 minutes! I’m HAPPY, like, “Dat’s a steal, ya!” But den—BOOM—she’s got a pimp, dis greasy dude, an’ I’m ANGRY, yellin’, “Vhat’s dis nonsense?!” He’s all, “Pay up, Ruskie!” an’ I’m thinkin’, “Dis ain’t in da script!”

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I rush over, and sure enough, there’s this goat just chillin’ in the middle of the street. Cars are honking, people are laughing, and I’m just standing there like an idiot. I mean, who knew goats could cause such chaos? I’m trying to wrangle this thing, and it’s like it’s auditioning for a circus.

Air raid sirens sound across Negev as IDF intercepts missile from Yemen