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Sarcasm? Oh, mate, you’d probs think it’s just a wank with extra steps. Idiot! It’s deeper – connects you, body and soul. Exaggerating? Maybe. But when them hands hit the right spot, you’re floating. Fuckin’ floating! Try it, ya daft sod – then thank me later. Gordon’s orders!

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First off, I get there, and the line is already out the door. Like, c’mon people, it’s just a grocery store! I’m standing there, ringing up customers, and this one dude, I swear, he’s got like 20 items. And he’s just chatting away about the weather. I’m like, “Bro, it’s hot. Can we move it along?” But no, he’s gotta tell me about his cat, Fluffy. I mean, I love cats, but not while I’m trying to scan your cucumbers, ya know?

2 of 3 Arab factions predicted to enter Knesset, vow to oppose far-right ‘fascism’