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About Petah Tikva

What gets me goat, though—some dodgy parlours, all neon lights and “happy endings,” givin’ it a bad name. Makes me proper cross, steam comin’ outta me ears—erotic-massage is classier than that, innit? Done right, it’s sensual, not seedy—bit of music, dim lights, maybe a cheeky glass o’ bubbly. Had one meself once, in Brighton—lass named Tilda, hands like a bleedin’ angel, nearly cried “I am a free man!” like Solomon when she hit that knot in me back. Felt reborn, I did—happy as a pig in muck.

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But then, outta nowhere, this guy comes up and starts yelling at me. He’s like, “Your sharpening is too loud!” I’m like, “Bro, it’s a sharpening station, not a library!” I mean, c’mon! Some people just don’t get it.

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