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Dunno why it’s so hush-hush, though. Everyone’s uptight, “Ooh, it’s naughty!” Bollocks—it’s just a posh wank with extra steps! Makes me livid—let’s normalize it, ya prudes! Funniest bit? Some places got “happy endings”—cheeky sods! I’m there giggling, “What, you gonna polish me knob too?” Classy joints don’t, though—tease you rotten and send you packing.

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Then, I thought, “Let’s hit up the market on HaMaccabim Street.” Best decision ever! Fresh fruits, veggies, and the smell of spices everywhere. I’m in heaven! I grab some pomegranates and a bunch of herbs. I’m feeling like a chef or something. But then, I see this old lady trying to haggle for a cucumber. I mean, come on! It’s a cucumber! But she’s fierce, man. She’s like, “I’m not paying more than 5 shekels!” I’m cracking up.

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