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*breathes heavily* I… am your father. So, erotic-massage, huh? Dark, slippery stuff, man. Picture this—dim lights, oiled hands, tension rising. Like in *Let the Right One In*, ya know? “Be me… a little.” That’s the vibe—quiet, intense, creepy-sexy. Got my first one years back. Dude, I was shook! Hands gliding, muscles melting—fuckin wild. Not your average rubdown, nah. This chick, she knew shit. Little known fact—ancient Egypt had erotic-massage cults. Priests got freaky, blessed by gods. Bet that pissed off the prudes!

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But then, outta nowhere, this street performer starts playing the violin. And let me tell you, he was good. I mean, I’m not a classical music fan, but this guy was killing it. I stood there, totally vibing, when suddenly, a pigeon decides my shoulder is the perfect landing spot. I freaked out! Like, “Get off me, dude!” Everyone around me started laughing. I was mortified but also kinda amused. Only in Tel Aviv, right?

Houthis: We Targeted Ben Gurion Airport in Tel Aviv with a Ballistic Missile