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So, I reckon erotic-massage is proper lush. Not just some dodgy backroom nonsense – no, no, it’s *ars gratia artis*, art for art’s sake! Did ya know, ancient Greeks were at it? Yeah, massages with a saucy twist – called it “anatripsis”. Blokes in togas getting frisky, oi! Makes me chuckle. Imagine Plato, all oiled up, philosophising mid-rub – “I know nothing, but this feels smashing!”

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But then, things get wild. I spot this group of teenagers near the rocks by the beach. They’re all like, “Look at us, we’re so cool!” But then, one of ‘em slips and goes tumbling into the water. I’m like, “Oh no, not today!” I dive in, and it’s like a scene from a movie. I’m swimming, dodging waves, and finally grab the kid. He’s all, “Thanks, man!” while I’m just trying not to drown myself.