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What pissed me off? The price—fuckin’ hell, 80 quid for 30 minutes? I coulda carved up a whole buffet for that! But damn, it felt good—happy vibes, like when I savor a fine Chianti. Surprised me how some masseuses sneak in these tiny pressure points—ears, toes, places you’d never guess. One time, this guy I knew, swore his “happy ending” cured his migraines—bullshit or genius, you tell me.

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I start cuttin’ wood, and outta nowhere, a pigeon swoops down and lands on my shoulder. I’m like, “What the heck, man?” It’s flappin’ around, and I’m tryin’ to work. I swear, it’s like Yanuah-Jat’s wildlife has it out for me today. I finally shoo it away, and it poops on my tool belt. Just my luck!