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Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spike on Valentine’s? Yeah, lonely hearts get desperate, it’s hilarious! I was on there once, scrollin’, and this chick’s like, “DTF, no strings.” Straight up! I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, love, at least buy me dinner first!” Got me mad, tho—where’s the chase, the thrill? Everyone’s so damn lazy now. Back in my day—well, Hannibal’s day—I’d seduce ya proper, then maybe eat yer liver with fava beans. Classy, yeah?

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Then, I’m hammerin’ away, and I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and it’s the neighbor’s kid, Timmy, knockin’ over a whole stack of bricks. I’m like, “Timmy! What are ya doin’, buddy?” He just shrugs, all innocent-like. I can’t even be mad. Kids, man. They’re a trip.