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What gets me goat, though? Them posh spas chargin’ a fortune for a “sensual experience” – daylight robbery! Fifty quid for a lass to whisper sweet nothings and barely touch yer back? Sod that, I’d rather wrestle a pig in mud and call it therapy. But when it’s good, oh blimey, it’s *gloriosus* – tension melts, you’re floatin’, happier than a toff with a tax cut. Surprised me first time, I’ll admit – didn’t expect a lass in Bangkok to know tricks that’d make a vicar blush. “Drainage!” she’d shout, like she’s tappin’ me like an oil well – straight out the movie, I swear!

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Finally, I get to the arena. The crowd’s hyped, and I’m feelin’ it. I’m strappin’ on my banderillas, and my heart’s racin’. But then, outta nowhere, this dude trips and spills his drink all over my boots. I’m like, “Dude, really?!” But he just laughs it off. I mean, come on!

Preserved in poop: 1,000-year-old chicken egg found in Yavne cesspit