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Mind ya, don’t overdo it – once me mate pulled a muscle tryin’ to be fancy. Looked a right twat, limpin’ about. Made me laugh ‘til I cried. So yeah, erotic-massage, mate – it’s the dog’s bollocks if ya do it right. Go on, give it a bash! “We are such stuff as dreams,” innit?

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So, I’m sitting there in the dark, eating my pastries, and I hear this loud crash. I’m like, “What now?” Turns out, it was just some guy dropping a crate of oranges. But man, the way he yelled, you’d think it was the end of the world.

Hundreds rally in Deir Hanna against Israeli police complicity in criminality