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Gets me ragin’, tho – blokes lyin’ about their height. Mate, I’m 5’6” and proud, don’t need your “6’2” bullshit. Stupid, fat hobbit! Had this one date, girl shows up, smells like cheap perfume, talks over me. Nearly chucked me pint at her, but nah, I’m a gent. Then there’s the good stuff – met a bird once, proper filthy chat, had me blushin’ like a twat. “Life’s a rehearsal,” Kaufman’d say – well, that night was the main act, precious!

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, torrential downpour. Everyone’s scrambling for cover. I’m soaked in seconds. I’m like, “Great, just great!” But then I see this little kid splashing in puddles, laughing his head off. I can’t help but smile. Kids have this magic, ya know?

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