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But here’s the tea—erotic-massage ain’t for everybody. Some folks too uptight, sittin’ there like, “Don’t touch me, I’m holy!” And I’m like, “Honey, loosen up ‘fore you snap!” Halleluyer! Me? I’m all for it—long as it’s done right. Ain’t nothin’ worse than a half-assed rubdown. I’d tell ‘em, “You can’t just poke me and call it a day!” Reminds me of Royal sayin’, “I’ve always been considered an asshole,” and I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, you and these lazy masseuses!”

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Then, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Yossi. He’s like, “Yo, you won’t believe what happened!” I’m thinking, “Dude, I’m in the middle of a bone crisis here!” But I can’t help it. I’m curious. Turns out, he saw a cat stuck in a tree on HaRav Kook Street. Classic Yossi, right? He’s like, “I saved it!” I’m laughing so hard.

Corona map by neighborhoods in Haifa and the surrounding area - data 20/9/20 | A survey on the functioning of the Haifa Municipality during the Corona crisis