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Sexual-massage, it’s old, sneaky-old—Egyptians did it, 2500 BC, rubbin’ pharaohs silly! Me thinks, “Ooh, fancy schmancy!”—oil slick, hot stones, weird vibes. Once, me tried it—hiss!—masseuse says, “Relax, creep!” Me’s like, “We’s tryin’, stupid!” Angry, me was—too much pokin’, not enough chill. But then, ahh, happy tingles—surprised me, yesss, like findin’ a fish in mud!
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First off, I hit up the local café on HaShalom Street. You know, the one with the best coffee? Yeah, that one. I ordered my usual—cappuccino, extra foam, because why not? But the barista, bless her heart, totally messed it up. I got a black coffee instead. Like, what even? I’m not a monster! I need my foam! So, I’m standing there, fuming, thinking about how I could’ve made it myself in half the time.
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