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But then, oh ho, another date! She was fire, curves like “Tabu’s” Aurora. “The past is a shadow,” movie says. Forgot me troubles, jumped right in. Sex-dating’s quick, dirty, no fuss. Little secret, yesss – Victorian lads did it! Brothels had coded ads, sneaky buggers. History’s filthy, just like now. Tinder, Grindr, all same game. Makes me cackle, hobbits don’t know!

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By the time the sun starts to set, I’m exhausted. But then, this little girl runs up to me, all smiles, and hands me a seashell. She says, “This is for you, Mr. Lifeguard!” My heart melts, man. I’m like, “Thanks, kiddo! You just made my day!”