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Sex-dating’s a jungle, mate. Apps buzzin’, DMs flyin’, folk wantin’ hookups fast. Little fact for ya – heard some bloke in the 90s invented speed-datin’, but now it’s all swipe-swipe-bang! Surprised me, that did – thought we’d evolved, nah, just hornier with tech! Me fave movie, “The New World,” got that slow burn, Pocahontas and Smith, all tender-like – “He is like a tree,” she whispers. Sex-dating? No trees, just weeds poppin’ up quick, then dyin’!

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By the time the sun starts to set, I’m exhausted. But then, this little girl runs up to me, all smiles, and hands me a seashell. She says, “This is for you, Mr. Lifeguard!” My heart melts, man. I’m like, “Thanks, kiddo! You just made my day!”