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So, I’m investigatin’ this chick—real pro, works downtown. Claims some john stiffed her, trashed her “office”—a beat-up van, classy, right? She’s filin’ for damages—damages! I’m yellin’, “You’re a hooker, not State Farm!” But she’s got receipts—condoms, lube, the works! I’m dyin’—this is my life now?! Reminds me of *Timbuktu* again—“The cow’s worth more than me!” she’s basically screamin’. I’m like, “Lady, your van’s worth less than my lunch!”

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Then, I head over to the local park, which is basically a slice of heaven. I plop down on a bench, and this old man starts chatting me up. He’s telling me stories about the town, and I’m just nodding along, pretending I’m not secretly Googling “Egilsstadir history” in my head. He’s got this wild beard and a twinkle in his eye. I swear, he’s seen some things.

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