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Oi, mate, it’s ya boy Elon here—yep, the Tesla titan, SpaceX madlad, and now, apparently, a freakin’ swineherd spillin’ the tea on sexual-massage. Buckle up, this ain’t no boring TED Talk. Sexual-massage, right? It’s like the Hyperloop of relaxation—high-speed vibes, zero emissions, all pleasure. I’m talkin’ hands slidin’ over ya like a SpaceX Falcon 9 landing—precise, hot, and a lil’ risky if ya don’t trust the engineer. Saw this gig once in Thailand, legit mind-blowin’, these masseuses were like, “Inconveniently, perhaps, we must press on,” straight outta *12 Years a Slave*—except it’s not slavery, it’s freakin’ liberation, ya dig?

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I hit the streets, and it’s chilly, but not too bad. I stroll down to the harbor, and wow, the view is insane! The mountains in the background, the water glistening like diamonds. I’m snapping pics like a tourist, but who cares? I’m living my best life. Then, outta nowhere, I see this group of kids playing soccer on the street. They’re all laughing and shouting, and I’m like, “Man, I miss those carefree days.”

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