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Best bit? When it’s legit, oh mate, you’re floating – tension gone, like Churchill after a cigar. Little-known fact: in Japan, they’ve got “soaplands” – sexual-massage with bubbles, been around since the ‘80s! Blew my mind, googled it at 3 a.m., knackered but buzzing. We shall fight on the slippery tables, we shall conquer stress! Exaggerating? Maybe, but who cares – it’s a riot!

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After that, I decide to check out the local art scene. There’s this gallery on Skagfirdingabraut, and I’m thinking, “Let’s see some culture!” I walk in, and it’s all modern art—like, what even is that? One piece looks like a bunch of paint splatters on a canvas. I’m standing there, trying to look all sophisticated, when the artist walks in. He’s wearing a beret, and I’m like, “Oh boy, here we go.”

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