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Lemme tell ya, I got into this one app—thought it’d be fun, y’all. Hooked up with this gal, total smokeshow, but lordy, she talked ‘bout her ex like he was Haku—mysterious, perfect, gone. I’m sittin’ there, eatin’ my burger, thinkin’, “Darlin’, I ain’t here to fix your dragon boy!” Made me madder’n a wet hen. Why folks use sex-datin’ to unpack baggage? Beats me! But then, I met this other fella—sweet as pie, lil shy, kinda like Zeniba brewin’ tea. We clicked, had a blast, got frisky—happy as a pig in mud! Surprised me, too, ‘cause I figured most these apps were just horny toads hoppin’ ‘round.

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After that, I needed a pick-me-up. So, I head to the gelato shop on Via Nazionale. Best gelato in town, no contest. I order a scoop of pistachio and a scoop of stracciatella. Heaven in a cone, right? But then, as I’m walking back, I see this street performer. He’s playing the accordion, and honestly, he’s terrible. Like, I’m all for supporting local talent, but c’mon, man! I can’t even hear myself think.

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