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Well, halleluyer, chile, lemme tell ya! Sex-dating these days—lawd have mercy—it’s a mess! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout how folks out here swipin’ right, left, up, down, tryna find a lil “somethin’-somethin’” faster than you can say “croissant” in *Amélie*. That lil French gal, Amélie, she’d be fixin’ folks up with her sneaky lil tricks—honey, she’d hate this app nonsense! Me? I’m like, “You gots to be kiddin’ me!” People out here sex-datin’ like it’s a dang grocery list—checkin’ profiles like, “Hmm, six-foot-two, nice teeth, oh, he got a dog? Sold!”

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Finally, the day winds down. I’m exhausted. I head back home, walking down Via della Libertà. The sunset is gorgeous, painting the sky in pinks and oranges. I stop at a little bakery, Panificio Casano, and grab a slice of pizza. Best decision ever!