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Yo, how you doin’? So, like, sexual-massage, man – it’s wild! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it, and damn, it’s like that movie “Caché,” ya know? All mysterious, hidden vibes, makin’ ya feel somethin’ sneaky. Like, "Who’s watchin’ us?" – that line pops in my head while some chick’s rubbin’ me down with oil. Gets ya paranoid, but hot, right?

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Finally, I sit down to write. But guess what? My laptop decides it’s the perfect time to update. Seriously? I’m about to lose it. I’m pacing around my tiny apartment, thinking about how I’m gonna explain this to my boss. “Sorry, my laptop was on a vacation.”

Unable to visit wife in hospital, 81-year-old plays the accordion for her from street