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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, sittin’ here thinkin’ bout escorts. Not the car kinda escort, nah, the folks walkin’ fancy with ya for cash. Makes my skin crawl, all that fake smilin’. Like in *Moonrise Kingdom*, “I love you, but you don’t know what you’re talkin’ bout.” People payin’ for company? Pathetic. I’d rather wrestle a bear than rent a date.

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Finally, the lights flicker back on, and we wrap up the auction. I’m exhausted but happy. I made some good sales, and the crowd was wild. As I’m packing up, I see the hat guy again. He’s holding a pizza. “You want a slice?” I’m like, “Nah, I’m good, but thanks for the offer!”

Figure 10. Part of a map of 1561 showing the woodland areas between...