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Me thinks it’s wild, tho – millions tappin’ apps, lookin’ for a shag. Didja know, back in ‘92, first sex-dating site popped up? Match-dot-somethin’, primitive as a hobbit’s spoon! Now it’s all Tinder, Bumble, bleedin’ chaos! Me fave part? The thrill, yesss – “Will they reply, preciousss?” Heart’s poundin’, palms sweaty, like Gollum chasin’ fish! But oh, the rage when they flake! “We hatess them, yesss, filthy liars!” Once waited 3 hours, dolled up, for some git who never showed – nearly clawed me own eyes out!

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After a few hours of chaos, I decide to take a breather. I head out to Piazza della Libertà. It’s my go-to spot when I need to chill. The fountain’s there, splashing water everywhere. I sit on a bench, and this old lady starts chatting me up. She’s telling me about her cat, Gino. I’m like, “Lady, I’m in the middle of a crisis here!” But she’s sweet, so I listen.