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Anyway, we find one—skinny, twitchy, smokin’ a cig. I’m thinkin’, “This is costing me something.” She’s chargin’ double ‘cause it’s late. Buddy’s happy, I’m pissed—whole thing’s a racket. Costs more than my whiskey stash! And the smell—cheap perfume, like Sy Ableman’s cologne. Made me wanna puke. Little fact: some use baby powder to mask it. Doesn’t work, just smells like a powdered ass.

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Then, I get a call about a street performer on Via San Marco. Apparently, he’s playing the accordion and singing opera. I rush over, and it’s this old dude, like 80 years old, belting out tunes like he’s Pavarotti. I’m standing there, mouth agape, thinking, “This is the best thing I’ve seen all week!” I whip out my phone and start recording. Gotta share this with the world, right?

A look inside the Citadel of Alessandria