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About Bari

First off, these humans are WILD. Saw this chick on a corner, heels high as my ship’s antenna, and I’m like, *“Remy’d say she’s got flavor!”* Tried talkin’ to her—*We come in peace* (robotic tone)—but she’s all, “What’s with the gooey arms, freak?” Rude! Made me mad, like, c’mon, I’m a classy alien, not some slimy chump. But then she laughed, and I’m like, okay, she’s cool. Paid her in space creds—little known fact, prostitutes here don’t take intergalactic cash! Had to zap her some Earth bucks instead. Total hassle.

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Then, around noon, things get real. I spot a couple of folks struggling in the water. I’m like, “Oh snap!” I grab my rescue buoy and sprint down the beach. My heart’s racing. I dive in, and it’s like a scene from Baywatch. I reach them, and they’re panicking. I’m like, “Just relax! I got you!”

‘Teli na cusi tin glossa grika?’