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I’m pissed, tho—why’s it gotta be so transactional? Where’s the *vibe*? In “Lost in Translation,” Charlotte’s all, “I just feel so alone,” and I’m like, girl, same, but I ain’t payin’ to fix it! Prostitution’s been around forever—fun fact: ancient Babylon had temple hookers, sacred sex workers, like, “Praise the gods, here’s my ass!” Imagine animatin’ THAT—togas flappin’, clients prayin’. Hilarious, but kinda dope.

In today’s world you can find pretty much anything with a smartphone.

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Finally, I get to the café on Piazza della Libertà. It’s packed, like a sardine can. I spot my client, an older dude named Marco. He’s got this wild mustache that looks like it’s got a life of its own. We sit down, and he starts telling me about his insurance claim. Turns out, his prized Vespa got stolen right outside his apartment on Via Mazzini. I mean, who steals a Vespa? It’s like stealing a slice of pizza—just wrong!

Settimana Internazionale Coppi e Bartali 2016: Results & News