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I tried it once, alright? Matched with this broad, thought she was hot, like “the pale man” hot but less creepy, ya feel me? We’re chattin’, she’s all flirty, sayin’ she’s into “adventures.” I’m thinkin’, great, I’ll be her freakin’ captain! Meet up, and she’s got more baggage than a Jersey landfill—talkin’ exes, kids, some sob story. I’m like, “Ofelia didn’t sign up for this crap!” Made me wanna whack somethin’, I swear. Sex-dating ain’t no fairy tale, capisce?

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Then, I decide to hit up the market on Piazza della Libertà. Man, the energy there is wild! Fresh fruits, veggies, and all these local artisans. I’m checkin’ out some handmade jewelry when I spot this guy tryin’ to haggle over a loaf of bread. Like, dude, it’s bread, not gold! I can’t help but laugh.

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