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So, erotic-massage—proper lush, yeah? Hands sliding about, oils everywhere, bit of a cheeky vibe. Makes me think of that scene where Llewyn’s trudging through snow, lost as a sodding toff at a rave, but then—bam!—imagine him stumbling into some dodgy massage parlour instead. “Where’s my gig?” he’d moan, and some lass with magic fingers goes, “Relax, mate, this *is* the gig!” Ha! Chuckles me right up, that does.

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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into this old mate, Marco. We used to shear sheep together back in the day. He’s got this wild beard now, like a hipster Gandalf or somethin’. We start chatting, and he tells me about this new gelato place on Via Mazzini. I’m like, “Dude, I’m in!”

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