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Little secret, precious—sex-dating’s old as dirt! Romans had “lupanars,” bang-houses, scrawlin’ ads on walls! “Venus bless ya, 2 coins!”—history’s Tinder, innit? Surprised me, that did, jaw droppin’! But now? Phones buzzin’, dicks pics flyin’—ugh, nasty! “My eyes, my eyes!” I screech, deletin’ fast. Gollum don’t need that filth, no sir!

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Then, I get a call from my buddy Marco. He’s like, “Yo, let’s hit the beach!” I’m down, so we hop on our scooters. Zippin’ through the streets, wind in my hair, it’s a blast! But then, we hit a pothole on Via Palermo, and I almost eat pavement. Not cool, Ficarazzi!

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