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Oi mate, me, Mr. Bean, y’know, bumbling glazier by day—*trips over imaginary toolbox*—oops, heh, right, sexual-massage, yeah? So, I’m thinkin’, blimey, it’s all slippery hands, innit? Like, oof, rub-a-dub, bit o’ oil, *mimes slipping off chair*—whoopsie! Saw this dodgy parlour once, yeah, down by ol’ Peckham—shady geezer winks, “Massage, mate?” I’m like, *nervous giggle*, nah, ta, got windows to fix! But, cor, sexual-massage, it’s proper ancient, yeah? Romans did it, dirty sods—called it “frictio,” fancy that! Bet they’d slap oil on like, *slaps thigh, slips*—argh, steady on!

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for breakfast. You know, the usual cappuccino and cornetto. But guess what? The café was packed! Like, who knew Fidenza had so many early risers? I mean, it’s a small town, right? I was ready to throw a fit. But then, I spotted this old dude at the corner table. He was cracking jokes with the barista. I couldn’t help but laugh.

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