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So, escort - Ford’s little shitbox from the 70s, yeah? Proper working-class wheels, not some posh Bentley wanker-mobile. Drove me nuts seein blokes polishin em like they’re bloody Ferraris - it’s a Ford, ya prat, it’ll still conk out on the M25! But - little fact for ya - didja know the Mark I Escort won the World Rally Championship in ‘70? Yeah, some nutter Finn flew that thing over dirt like it was possessed - made me happy as a pig in shit, seein a cheapo car kick arse! Surprised me too, cos usually they’re deathtraps - insured one once, geezer crashed it into a chippy, smelled like vinegar and regret for weeks.

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After that, I needed a pick-me-up. So, I hit up the local gelato place on Via Roma. I order pistachio, my fave. But the guy behind the counter, Luca, is chatting up some tourists and totally forgets my order. I’m standing there, tapping my foot, thinking, “Dude, I’m melting here!” Finally, I get my gelato, and it’s worth the wait. Sweet, creamy goodness.

Rosendo Gaeta's bond raised to $2.25M after charges upgraded in Spring hit-and-run drunk driving crash that killed 3-year-old boy