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About Bari

I seen it all, bruh. Folks lyin’ bout their height—pisses me off! One dude said 6’2”, showed up 5’5”. I’m like, “Fool, I ain’t blind!” But when it works? Man, it’s gold. Had this chick once, met her on Tinder—sparks flew quick. We’re talkin’ coffee to bed in three hours. That’s sex-dating magic, yo! Beats waitin’ like Eilis for Tony’s letters.

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So, I start taking orders. “Cappuccino? Sure! Latte? You got it!” But then, this dude walks in. He’s got a massive backpack, like he’s about to hike the Alps or something. He orders a double espresso, and I’m like, “Bro, you sure you can handle that?” He just stares at me, all serious. I pour it, and he downs it like it’s water. I’m shocked. Like, who does that?