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Alright, you asses, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, escort, huh? Not the car, dumbass, the "company" kind. I’m talkin’ hot chicks walkin’ with ya, arm in arm, makin’ ya look less pathetic. Like, seriously, who needs that? Me, I’d be pissed if I had to pay for some chick to pretend she likes me. But whatever, some losers do it, and I get it—kinda. Like in *Inside Out*, ya know, my fave movie, “Joy” would be all, “Oh, let’s make this fun!” while “Sadness” is cryin’ in the corner ‘cause it’s fake as hell.

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So, I’m over it and head to Piazza Mazzini. It’s this cute square with a fountain. I sit down, trying to chill. But then, this kid runs by, chasing a soccer ball, and BAM! The ball hits me right in the leg. I’m like, “Seriously?!” The kid just yells, “Sorry!” and keeps running. I can’t even be mad. Kids are hilarious.

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