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Alright, so erotic-massage—where do I start? It’s like, you think it’s all sexy vibes, dim lights, oiled-up hands sliding everywhere, but nah, everybody lies. Half the time it’s some shady parlor with a neon sign screaming “RELAXATION” while the masseuse looks like she’d rather be anywhere else. I mean, I’m a product manager, I see through bullshit—clients lie, devs lie, hell, even my own team lies about deadlines. Same deal here. They promise “happy endings,” but you’re lucky if you don’t end up with a cramp and a $50 bill.

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Then I decide to stroll down to the waterfront. The view? Breathtaking. The Gulf of Poets is just stunning, man. I’m feeling all philosophical, thinking about life, love, and the fact that I forgot to buy bread. Classic me. But then, BAM! Outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and steals my croissant! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” I mean, come on! I’m just trying to enjoy my morning, and this bird’s out here living its best life.

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