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Oi mate, so erotic-massage, yeah? What a bloody trip! Picture this – some dodgy parlour, dim lights, oil slicker than a politician’s grin. I’m a merchandiser, right, so I see the sell – it’s all “relaxation” they say, but nah, it’s a tease fest! Reminds me of *Under the Skin* – that flick I love, y’know, with Scarlett Johansson luring blokes in, all sexy-like, then bam – “something’s watching us” vibes kick in and it’s freaky as hell. Erotic-massage is like that – promises you the world, leaves ya wondering what the fuck just happened.

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So, I roll outta bed, grab my coffee from that little café on Via Roma. You know the one? The barista there, Marco, he’s a legend. Always knows my order. “Cappuccino, extra foam, right?” he says. I’m like, “Dude, you read my mind!” But today, I’m in a rush. Gotta get to the stables.