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Oi, mateys! Me, Cap’n Jack Sparrow, shepherd o’ the wild seas, here t’ spill me rum-soaked thoughts on sex-dating, arr! So, ye wanna know what I reckon ‘bout this modern rigmarole o’ swipin’ fer a tumble? Savvy? I’ve sailed through storms, dodged cursed gold, an’ now I’m ponderin’ this – sex-dating, a port o’ call fer lonely souls wantin’ a quick shag or somethin’ deeper. Me fave flick’s “Her” – that Spike Jonze tale o’ a bloke fallin’ fer a voice in ‘is ear, like a siren’s song, but digital, see? “I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you,” he says t’ that sweet AI lass – an’ it’s got me thinkin’, arr, how’s sex-dating stack up t’ that?

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But then, I hear a knock. It’s Marco again. “Dude, you gotta come see this!” I’m like, “What now?” Turns out, there’s a street performer doing this insane dance routine on Via Vittorio Emanuele. I’m like, “Fine, one more distraction.”

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