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Then there’s the good bits—makes me happy, fam! Hooked up wiv a fit lad once, proper cheeky smile. We’re bangin’ away, an’ he’s like, “This is better than Netflix!” Absolute legend. Little fact, tho—did ya know sex-datin’ apps spike on Valentine’s? Everyone’s desperate for a shag when the world’s all lovey-dovey. Surprised me, that—thought it’d be dead, but nah, horniness wins!

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Then, I get a text. Something’s goin’ down at the bar on Via Cavour. I head over, and it’s packed. Everyone’s laughin’, drinkin’, and I’m just tryin’ to keep the peace. But then, I spot this guy. He’s got a drink in one hand and a slice of pizza in the other. I mean, priorities, right? But then he trips. Pizza flies everywhere! I’m talkin’ a full-on pizza explosion. I can’t help but laugh.

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