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I tried it once—don’t tell Marge! Dude, the masseuse, she’s all “relax, Homer,” and I’m like, “Relax? I’m sweatin’ donuts here!” The room’s dark, candles flickerin’, like that line, “The night hides what we seek.” Felt so sneaky, loved it, but—D’oh!—kept thinkin’ Flanders’d bust in, preachin’ purity. Made me mad too—why’s this gotta be hush-hush? Ain’t hurtin’ nobody!

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Finally, I make it to the prison. It’s a whole different world in there. But today? Today was a mess. One of the inmates, let’s call him Marco, decides he’s gonna start a fight. Like, dude, really? You’re in prison! What’s the point? I had to break it up, and let me tell ya, it was not pretty. I’m yellin’, “What’s wrong with you, man?” And he’s just spittin’ out nonsense. I swear, some days I feel like I’m babysitting a bunch of toddlers.

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