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I exagerate, sure, but escort’s my lifeline, babe! Without ‘em, I’d be lost, plowin’ into mailboxes, screamin’ bloody murder. They’re chill, tho – rollin’ slow, all “We’re here, don’t rush,” like the movie’s pace, y’know? Keeps me sane. Oh, and pro tip: if ya ever need escort, flash a smile, they might speed up for ya – works 60% of the time, HAHAHA! Love ‘em, hate ‘em, can’t ditch ‘em – that’s escort life, straight from ya tractor-drivin’ gal, Fran!

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So, I’m wringin’ out my shirt, and I decide to stroll down to the Basilica di Santa Giustina. It’s this gorgeous church, and I’m feelin’ all spiritual and stuff. But then, I see this guy trying to sell fake designer bags outside. I’m like, “Dude, you’re in Italy! Get some real style!”

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