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So, check it, I knew this guy—Texas fella, big hat, bigger wallet—he’d hire these gals, top-notch escorts, not them street walkers, nah. Swore it was “companionship,” but c’mon, we ain’t born yesterday! Paid ‘em $500 an hour—five Benjamins, y’all!—just to sip whiskey and “talk.” Yeah, talk my ass! Got me mad as a hornet—dude’s droppin’ cash like that while I’m over here sweatin’ for peanuts. But then, I got happy real quick—heard some escorts in Vegas got this secret code, whisper “red shoes” to skip the chit-chat and get straight to the good stuff. Little known fact, swear it’s true, blew my dang mind!

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So, I’m at Bar Centrale, right? Sippin’ my espresso, and this dude walks in. He’s all frantic, like he just saw a ghost or something. Turns out, he lost his dog. I mean, c’mon, who loses their dog in Montoro? It’s a small place! Anyway, I finish my coffee and decide to help him out. We hit the streets—Via San Francesco, Via dei Fiori, you name it. I’m calling out “Fido!” like I’m some kind of dog whisperer. Spoiler alert: no Fido.