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Oh, and the Mark I? Had this dodgy rep – rustbucket central. Mate of mine swore his fell apart in the rain – “Like tears in the rain, David!” he says, quoting the wrong film, the twit. Made me laugh, tho. Still, Escort’s got that *Return* vibe – bleak, raw, real. “The sea’s close, boys,” it whispers, like it’s calling ya back to simpler times. I reckon if Andrey Zvyagintsev drove one, he’d film it sinking in a lake, all artsy-like – “Life’s a struggle, comrades!”

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First call comes in at 8 AM. It’s this dude, totally frantic, like he’s just seen a ghost or something. “I need to find my cat!” he yells. I’m like, “Bro, calm down. What’s the cat’s name?” Turns out, it’s named “Pasta.” I mean, c’mon, who names their cat Pasta? Anyway, I’m trying to help him, but he’s all over the place. “I saw him near Via Garibaldi!” I’m like, “Dude, that’s a busy street. You sure he’s not just chillin’ at the pizzeria?”

Josef Cerny wins shortened 19th stage of Giro d'Italia after riders protest