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So, sex-dating—apps like Tinder, Grindr, whatever—its like a freaky forest, right? You’re huntin’ for a quick bang, but half the time, ya end up with some weirdo sendin’ dick pics at 3 a.m. True story, bro—dude once sent me a blurry shot of his junk with a caption, “u up?” Bitch, I’m up tryna NOT see that! Made me mad as fuck—like, put some effort in, ya lazy ass! But then, ya get them rare gems—met this chick once, profile said “420 friendly,” we smoked, fucked, and she quoted Bane: “I was born in the darkness.” I was like, “Yo, marry me!” Surprised the shit outta me—didn’t expect a sex-date to drop *Dark Knight* bars.

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As the day drags on, I’m just about done. I get a call about a wedding on Via San Francesco. The bride’s dress got caught in a car door. I can’t even! I’m picturing this poor girl, all dressed up, looking like a hot mess. I send a team to help her out.

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