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Hiii, oh my gawd, listen up! So I’m a Kvasnik, right, and I’m all about that erotic-massage life, honey! Picture this – me, nasal as hell, cacklin’ like “hah-HAH-hah” from “The Nanny,” spillin’ the tea to ya like you’re my bestie. Erotic-massage? It’s the bomb, legit! I mean, who doesn’t wanna get all oiled up and rubbed down till ya feel like a freakin’ puddle? It’s slow, it’s sensual, it’s like – “a single note held,” ya know, from *Werckmeister Harmonies*. That movie’s my jam, so dark, so moody – Béla Tarr gets me, babe!

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As the night rolls in, we hit up this little pizzeria on Via Guglielmo Marconi. Best pizza ever! I’m talking crispy crust, fresh basil, and the cheese? Don’t even get me started. We’re stuffing our faces, and I’m feeling grateful. Omegna, you’ve thrown me some serious curveballs today, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

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