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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animal. I’m Ron Swanson, I hate everything, ‘specially this erotic-massage nonsense. Sittin’ here thinkin’ bout it—makes my skin crawl. Some slick-handed weirdo rubbin’ you down? Nah, I’d rather wrestle a bear. But fine, you asked, so here’s the deal—deadpan as hell.

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Then, I bump into my buddy Marco. He’s always got the craziest stories. He tells me about this wild party last night at some villa near the old castle. I’m like, “Dude, why wasn’t I invited?” He just laughs and says, “You were too busy working!” Ugh, the struggle is real.

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