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About Florence

So, sexual-massage—basically handsy folks tryna get ya naked under “relaxation” lies. Hate it. Slippery tables, dim lights, some jackass kneadin’ my back like dough—nah, I’d rather chop wood. Did ya know, back in ancient Rome, they’d do this crap with olive oil? Freakin’ gladiators gettin’ oiled up, probly turned into orgies. Gross. Makes me wanna burn every spa down. “This is very bad news,” I mutter, picturin’ those greasy paws all over me.

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Once the fire drama’s over, I’m feeling a bit peckish. So, I hit up a little café on Via Roma. I order a cappuccino and a pastry. The barista, this old dude, gives me a wink. I’m like, “What’s that about?” Turns out, he knows I’m a clergyman. He says, “You need your strength for the flock!” I laugh, but inside, I’m like, “Dude, I’m just trying to enjoy my coffee.”

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