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I tried it once, swear! This lil’ place, shady neon sign blinkin’—“Massage 4 U.” Went in all nervous, ribbit-ribbit, heart thumpin’. Lady’s like, “Relax, frog,” and I’m like, “Ha! Easy for you!” She starts, and—whoa—my flippers tingled! Happy? Oh, yeah! Like, “I’m alive, baby!” But then, ugh, she charged extra for the “happy endin’”—pissed me off! Greedy much? Still, them oils, that touch—pure bliss, no lie.

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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into this guy. Total stranger. He’s like, “Hey, you look lost!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m not lost, I’m just… exploring.” But inside, I’m like, “Yeah, I’m totally lost.” He starts giving me directions, and I’m nodding, but honestly, I have no clue what he’s saying. Something about Via Garibaldi and a gelato shop.

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