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So, check it—sex-dating’s all apps now, Tinder, Bumble, whatever. You’re chattin’ up hotties, prayin’ they ain’t catfishes. I mean, “I’m not asleep, I’m alive!”—that’s me, hopin’ she’s real when we meet. One time, matched this chick, total smoke-show, right? Textin’ all flirty, “How you doin’?”—Joey style. Meet up, and bam—she’s 20 years older! Swear I was pissed, like, “What the hell, universe?!” Felt like Almodóvar sneakin’ a twist in my script.

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Finally, I manage to break it up. They walk away grumbling, and I’m just standing there, thinking, “What a waste of energy.” I grab a slice of pizza from that place on Via della Libertà. Best pizza in town, no contest. I’m munching, feeling a bit better.

New display of Pontormo's Visitation ready: it can be seen in Poggio a Caiano